i don’t know if i’m going to post this or not but i’m typing it all out anyway so here we go

this is mostly targeted to my followers/mutuals here because i feel like they deserve an explanation as to why i constantly dip in-and-out of activity Lmfao (and why it’s possible that i won’t be very active here for . a while)

think of this as like. a very different version of my monthly/bimonthly update blogs

getting straight to the point: i’m going to be honest, i have not been in the greatest mental state as of recent. i don’t want to go into too much detail publicly but basically all you need to know is that it majorly affected my ability to create, or do anything for that matter. it caused me to rethink my entire approach to creativity and if i really wanted to make it my job in the future/if i actually enjoy this enough to continue

and i found that the answer was no, not really. at least in the case of visual art, i found that it had become more of a stressor than anything. and that kind of Really hurt to finally realize

i’m sure you guys are familiar at this point with how i constantly dip in and out of activity, making news posts like “trust me bro i’ll be back eventually”, and then never following up, repeating that cycle over and over again. it’s a direct result of the kind of Fucked mindset ive developed regarding art. like, “this has to be perfect for my followers and friends. i can’t let them down. is the subject matter currently relevant? does this look childish? have i spent the correct amount of time on this? did i study enough in-between?” etc etc, and obviously that was very very detrimental to me & my creativity

i don’t even remember how it started, it just kind of Happened around the time i first joined this site, and kept getting worse and worse as time went on. and ive tried my absolute best to correct all of this, i promise i have. but it never works. i make progress and then it’s suddenly lost as i subconsciously turn back to The Fucked-Up Mindset (<- as i will be calling it from now on to avoid confusion)

i’ve decided that i’m really Not in the correct state to deal with all of that right now. as said before, ive tried, just haven’t been able to make any proper progress that’s actually stuck. so i’ve decided that what i need is a break. i don’t know how long that break will last, it could be weeks, months, who knows. all i know is that im coming back to it when i’m ready

please don’t take this as an “i’m quitting art” post. i’m not, you’re not getting rid of me that easily Lmfao. ive been drawing my whole life, i don’t think i’m ever going to fully give it up. it’s just going to be put on the backburner for now while i figure things out. i also kind of /need/ something creative to work on or else i will shrivel up and die Lmfao, so i’m focusing more on writing for the time being

please don’t worry about me btw! i may not be able to receive help for my issues (for reasons i won’t go into publicly), but i’m not alone & i have a support system. i’ve been handling things Relatively fine on my own, i think i might be okay. i’m not making this for pity points, just to give people a proper explanation as to why im fucking Dead on here

there’s a chance that when i come back, my art style will be Drastically different too since i want to try out a shit ton of new stuff. my current style just ,,,,,, isn’t quite cutting it for me

i’m still gonna pop in when i can to say hi to my friends/mutuals on here (because i love you guys and i have not forgotten about you). for the record though, if you want to reach me and get a somewhat-immediate response, i am most active on my toyhouse (because i often forget to check this site for dms)

this is not a goodbye, it’s a see you later (or see-you-in-a-few-days, depends on when i get my groove back) o/

edit: awww the gif broke : ( gonna keep it anyway though. little frozen kitty in the corner

it seems to be becoming a trend for me to disappear from this site every once in a while, suddenly come back with a news post explaining what I’ve been doing in my absence, and then disappear again. i promise I’m trying to be better about these things LMFAO

once again i’m just more active on toyhouse (+ very busy with personal projects & working on procrastination habits), but have been attempting to get back into checking this site everyday & stuff

i want to make more casual news posts someday tho. like, mini-rambles and stuff

anyway obligatory here’s-what’s-been-going-on-with-me stuff

summer break is now over ):

i’m in my final year of school now tho! IM NEARLY OUT OF THE FUCKING BUILDING /ref

once i finish up this final year tho, i might see if i can open up art commissions so i can start saving up to move out. might not be a good idea considering my track record of Not Finishing Shit but we’ll see

i’m on a minecraft smp now

so my friends and i started a minecraft server on impulse recently, and we’ve been going apeshit with it. like, we are a group of writers and artists, and when you put a bunch of artists/writers in a room and let them cook, they’re going to come up with a story lmfao. so yeah shit tons of lore has already happened despite the server only being like, a week old

most of the other server members aren’t on newgrounds, and none of us stream/record our pov, BUT viyn does and he’s already uploaded a few episodes of their pov to youtube. my shitty temp base actually makes an appearance in one of the episodes :D if you’re interested in a bunch of teens/young adults roleplaying on minecraft then go watch viyn’s pov

i also have a toyhouse profile for the character i play on the server. ive already uploaded their design to my art thread so u may recognize them

you might hear more about this server kn the future bc i am currently So Normal about it. so beware

hey i also found out i want to be a comic artist

already brought this up in my most recent upload but i realized i had no motivation to create because i had no goal to work towards. i knew i want to tell a story with my art, but i never knew how. so i decided comics would be a good place to start

that’s what I’ve been focusing on nowadays. i’ve been trying to (key word: trying) work on studying the fundamentals i need to make comics, like form, making character interactions believable (i struggle with making drawings focused on character interactions in general /not/ look like a hot steaming pile of shit for some reason?), backgrounds/environments, etc.

my goal is to eventually make a little mini-comic to test the waters and see if this is something i really want to get into. i still dont know what that comic is going to be about, but i guess we’ll cross thag bridge when we get there lmfao

working on my procrastination habits/relationship with art in general

there’s a reason why i barely post anything or stay active on here. it’s because i’m always like “ehhhhhh i’ll do it tomorrow/in a few days/after i finish this/any other excuse on the planet i can think of in the moment”. i hope u realize that pretty much everything ive posted to this site this year is all i’ve drawn/worked on this year LMFAO its not looking good

i have SO many problems causing this that i dont know if ill be able to tackle all of them. lack of motivation, bad mental health, in some cases lack of time, not knowing what to work on,,,,,, hell, even viewing art as “work” rather than fun. the list goes on. it leads to this decision paralysis that eventually ends in me doing nothing. and I hate it

like. this isnt just an issue with art, it happens with all aspects of my life. theres countless people ive unintentionally left on read because of this and it makes me feel so awful LMFAO

like. i miss when i was a kid and could churn out like, 2-3 art pieces in one day just bc i was bored. now whenever i start an art project i havw to think “do i havw the correct skill level for this? if not, what do i study? how do i figure out the composition? how many references should i collect?” shit like that

i have some good news though. i’ve been making progress. i discovered the pomodoro method, which means if i have like, an hour to kill, i can just do a pomodoro and get some stuff done on something. I’ve also started trying to give myself a “reward” for doing things, and so far that’s worked too. neither of them are foolproof tho and i’m still struggling, but they’ve helped and that’s what matters most

i also recently realized after reading a bulletin on toyhouse that in order to have fun with art again, i need to be happy with my current skill level, without stressing too much about the flaws or comparing myself to others. and that kind of opened my eyes a bit

part of what prevents me from finishing shit anymore is the voice at the back of my head that goes “this looks awful, there’s no form to it, the composition’s awful, there’s not enough detail. what would your friends/followers think if they saw this? your skills are downgrading, you’re wasting time by working om this when you could be doing something better” and then i always just. give up and never finish it. and that’s IF i ever start anything at all bc i have such a big lack of ideas (or at least, ones i think i could execute)

anyway ive probably been doing other things i cant think of rn but ive already spent like, an hour writing this and i need to work on other stuff. so thats it for now. Bye

i’ve been pretty much radio-silent on here for the past few weeks, so i thought i’d make a bulletin catching up with what i’ve been doing recently. i know i keep saying this, but i really do want to become more active on here. i’m just more active on toyhouse since that’s where most of my friends are lmfao

so here’s what’s been going on with me:

summer break

i’m officially on summer break now! which means i have a lot more time to draw & talk to friends

i’d say to expect more art from me bc of this, but knowing myself, i can’t promise anything lmfao

kinitopet collab

i joined the kinitopet collab hosted by glitchbuddy, and i didn’t know it was finished until literally a few minutes ago. and apparently it got 2nd place????????? im very proud of everyone who was involved!!!!!

go check it out if you haven’t already! and here’s my entry………. wink wink nudge nudge

working on my ocs & their universes

ive mentioned this a few times in the past i think, but lately i’ve been finally working on my own original characters, since i’m tired of being purely a fanartist. of course i had ocs growing up, but they’re all outdated and i don’t feel any connection to them anymore (plus, around the time i joined this site, i shifted focus towards purely fanart)

im tired of just doing fanart, so i thought i’d make my own little guys to annoy you guys with. i’m really excited to show them to you! i don’t know if i’ll be posting anything with them anytime soon, bc character design is time-consuming and i’ve barely even gotten their world written

i won’t spoil much, but i will say this as a sneak peek: post-apocalyptic robots

working on my art

i think i’ve mentioned this on my art thread, but i’m not very happy with the direction my art is going in atm. the artists i look up to & want to mimic have more painterly yet comic-like art styles if that makes sense? and they’re all story-driven. meanwhile, all of my art consists of just “fictional character i enjoy posing for the camera in a colorful void” lmfao

i’ve been working on tackling this problem as of recent, and trying to push my art into the direction i want. there’s a chance that the next time I post to this site, my art will look a bit different. i’m going to try to get experimental. i am not sorry lmfao

i’m also trying to get into the habit of figure drawing again. i need u guys to hold me personally accountable for that /hj

because i WILL forget lmfao (in fact, i have been forgetting)

artfight

almost forgot to add this one. i’ll be participating in artfight this year!!!!!!! im on team stardust >:D if ur going to be playing this year, u should def follow me………. magically compelling u………. altho i don’t have many characters uploaded there at all LMFAO

anyway, i don’t think i’ve done much of note other than that. ive discovered cool music, does that count. ive been getting into new things (COUGH COUGH phighting/regretevator, chainsaw man COUGH COUGH)

happy pride month btw! almost forgot to mention that. idk if i’ll be able to draw anything special for it but i’ll def try, even if it’s just a small little doodle. it’s the only month that i and other lgbtq+ people get to exist, and after june ends, i will fade away into mist

i will definitely be trying to check in here more and interacting in the forums. i love all of u guys <3 tysm for sticking with my dumbass and my self-indulgent art

edit: almost forgot to add. here’s some little doodles i did in a magma canvas with my friends recently, just to end this off and prove that i have been Doing Things lmfao

so i genuinely did not realize this until yesterday morning, but it’s my 2 year anniversary of joining this site. huh

it’s a story i’ve told dozens of times here, but i’ll say it anyway. when i first joined this site, i was a young scared teen just looking for a place to share their art, after my previous favorite art-sharing site (buzzly) went down in flames. i had first heard of this site the year previously, through my fnf phase

before then, i thought newgrounds was just a place for angsty, crude and hateful people who would never accept me or my work. i was dead fucking wrong. 

i have this site’s art forum to thank for a good amount of the improvement i’ve made these past 2 years (especially since i was only just learning how to draw humans when i first joined). i’ve met so many nice people here who have only supported me these past 2 years

i’ve changed a lot as a person since i first joined, as expected since it’s been 2 years lol. i’ve been through a shit ton since then. i’ve matured a lot since then. i’ve gone from a little newgrounds baby to an emo, sad teen drawing funky humanoids LMFAO. i’ve discovered more of my identity and who i am as a person. this site has been with me through all of those moments and i don’t know if i can properly express how grateful i am for that

anyway, thanking specific people like last time:

@mawibblap - hello hi hello hi wilson!!!!!!!!!! i remember seeing you on the forums here back when i first joined, and thinking u were really nice, but that i would never get the chance to talk to you. look at us now lmfao! u are such a nice and funny person <3 thank u for making the past year for me a little brighter

@DenThatDude - i don’t talk to you as much as i should and it makes me sad. you’re such a cool person and i hope u know how happy it makes me whenever u leave reviews on my stuff!!!! thank u man

@MARXVEEMOAM - we usually talk on a different site but u get a spot here anyway bc you’re cool

all of my mutuals who i don’t commonly talk to (@ElsieMeraki, @picolocity366, @Eldritchsaxes, @Oddlem, @Kerzid) i promise i am supporting you guys wholeheartedly from over here!!!!!! i hope we can get to talking more someday o/

the art forum (especially the regulars) - thank you for providing criticism & advice whenever needed! you made me a better artist, taught me the basics i never learned, and even helped me mature as a person in some aspects

@ErasedMe and @Slidebrain - already thanked u guys back in my 1 year anniversary post but im mentioning u two again. back in 2022 u guys put me on an underrated artists list, and i hope u know that made younger me so so so happy <3 esp since i felt very behind compared to my peers, as i had only just started learning how to draw humans

all 113 of my followers and any more who might show up in the future - thank you for enjoying my art! i can’t properly put into words how much it means to me <3

i hate being sappy but i think today it’s deserved. anyway murder drones ep 7 and the next spooky month episode are coming up soon and i need to mentally prepare

just making this post quickly before i forget. i finally managed to snag a slot for an account on sheezy yesterday! it’s here: https://sheezy.art/wonkypaws

if u remember, it used to be pretty popular iirc before it closed down in about 2022 i think? either way it’s back now, and it’s still in private beta but slots have been opening in very small batches every few hours. it’s very worth it tho

before anyone asks: i will still be uploading here! i am not leaving newgrounds!!! i’ll just be posting both here & on sheezy from now on

on an unrelated note……………. art soon 👁

i don’t know if anyone reads these types of posts but i write them anyway because it’s cool to be honest with people

2024 is kind of sucking ass actually

hate to put something like this at the top of the page but 2024 hasn’t exactly been treating me well so far. in january a stray cat that we considered a part of the family was mauled by a dog in our front yard. it hit us really hard, and it killed my motivation to do anything for a bit. don’t worry tho, i’m doing better

mentioned this on my art thread but that’s also the reason why i ended up not doing anything for pixel day. it happened just a few days before pixel day and i really couldn’t bring myself to do my entry. i still want to get back into pixel art tho, so i might just make what i was planning anyway

possible hiatus

lately ive been considering taking an indefinite hiatus from newgrounds. ive recently realized that all of this art block and fear of making art has been caused by this site, in a way. like, ive realized that the reason why im scared is because im afraid ill make something “bad” and people will hate it and realize how bad of an artist i really am, and then they’ll leave…………. impostor syndrome sucks

though its difficult tearing myself away from this place bc it means a lot to me. it taught me so much about art and i def wouldn’t be in the place i am now if it weren’t for this site

i have gotten some art done (woah! wonkypaws finishing art in the year of 2024? unbelievable) but im refraining from posting it for this reason. im trying out keeping my art between me and my friends. it’s more comfortable, but i do miss this place

in general im just figuring myself & my art out and stuff. im doing okay though :)

anyway this post has been kind of sad. ill end it on a lighter note: did you know that cows have best friends?

hopping on the 2023 recap train bc im trying to become more active on here again. i missed this place

honestly, i don’t remember much of this year lmao. it just completely flew by (+ i have a dogshit memory). like, since when was tomorrow christmas eve? didn’t the year just start? i feel like i got thrown years into the future. i do NOT feel my age, i still feel 13

despite that, i can still remember that this year was kind of shit for me, especially the later end. ive been hanging on here by a thread guys :,) i have hopes it’ll get better tho

ive dug through my newsposts to try to recall the most important parts of this year for me, if you’re interested

discovering myself & growing

i’ve grown and changed so much as a person since the beginning of this year, and it’s evident looking back on my old posts. ive always heard that your teen years are your biggest development years both physically and mentally, and i think that tracks. i think it was this year that i discovered i was non-binary? i can’t rlly remember tbh. im so much happier now that i have a better grip on who i am and who i want to be

i also think i got a lot better with socializing and dealing with people in general. i used to get so nervous talking to people, i would get physically sick, even if the conversation was going well. i had a practically non-existent social battery. and while these are still issues i’m trying to deal with, they’ve gotten a lot better. i’ve met a lot of people who i love very very much and i couldn’t be more grateful for them. not all of them are on newgrounds, so i’ll thank everyone collectively. thank u everyone, love u all <3333333

1 year anniversary

i had my one year anniversary on this site way back in march!!!! im still so grateful that i joined this site. i definitely wouldn’t be the person and artist i am now if it wasn’t for newgrounds

creative ruts

i struggled a lot creatively this year. like, a lot. i barely got anything done, and that sucks. i miss when i was a kid and i would finish multiple pieces in a day just bc i wanted to have fun, and i wasn’t worrying about anatomy or proportions or what my followers would think

all year i’ve been trying to pinpoint an exact reason as to what caused this. ive landed on these:

• youtube. i keep getting distracted by youtube shorts and scrolling to see if any creators i like uploaded a new video, or trying to find the “perfect” music to draw to, and it’s impeding my ability to draw. i just need to throw a playlist/podcast on and move on
• perfectionism. this is the biggest factor, i think. i keep telling myself my next finished drawing has to be the biggest or best one i’ve done, or i need to draw something specific bc it’s popular, or i want to draw a character i like and my brain goes “your followers won’t like that”, or i draw the face wrong and im like “shit shit everyone will know you’re secretly a terrible artist. the jig is up”. one of my art goals this year is to let go of perfectionism, and just draw for the sake of drawing, like i did when i was a kid. i don’t need to focus on making “good” art, i just need to focus on improving and having fun. this is the biggest thing i want to work on next year
• ideas. i am a chronic overthinker and whenever i want to draw, i keep trying to find the “perfect” idea, even though that doesn’t exist. “your followers won’t like that/won’t know what that is/you’re not good enough yet” stfu we’re having fun over here. i need to just pick a concept to work with and move on

at least i know what’s causing it now; the next step is finding a solution and doing it. art is my escape and it has been for years, i want to keep it that way

i already included this in my last news post, but here’s my art summary for 2023:

getting frontpaged for the first time

in may of this year, my nikku art got frontpaged, and i didn’t even realize it until several days later lmfao. and this was when i had the habit of looking at the art page every morning……………. i may be blind

i was so unbelievably happy tho. it was insane seeing myself next to genuinely skilled artists. i still don’t feel worthy lmfao. i’m so grateful tho

hitting 100 followers

on madness day, i officially hit 100 followers on here! that is still fucking insane, i can’t imagine that many people enjoying my self-indulgent brain mush. seriously, thank you to everyone who’s stuck around this long <3

i can’t think of much else, honestly. i did get into a lot of new things that have consumed my soul ever since (cough cough MURDER DRONES cough cough MCYT cough cough) but other than that, i don’t think much else very important happened to me this year

i hope to be much more active on here next year, and to get much more done (because one finished drawing a month has been Kinda Sad). i also want to make some oc stuff next year; i’ve already got a project in mind 👀 love u all <3

already posted this on toyhouse, almost forgot to put it here too. i look forward to these every year so ive been hyped

copy-pasting from my toyhouse bulletin:

i think out of all, i improved the most on anatomy this year. u can’t rlly see it bc it’s been forever since ive last finished a drawing of an actual human LMFAO but im working on that i swear. one of my biggest goals this year was to get comfortable drawing the human body and making it believable, and i think i def achieved that. i definitely have a lot to work on but ive come a long way and im still proud of myself

i think my biggest goal for next year is to stop being such a perfectionist and actually finish shit. i am a chronic overthinker and as a result, i barely ever actually finish anything. im either doodling/studying in my sketchbook or trying and failing to make a finished piece nowadays. most of the reason why I never finish stuff tends to be bc i doubt myself. it takes a lot longer for me to finish drawings nowadays. i used to pump finished drawings out in like, less than an hour, while now it takes me over 4+ hours, not including breaks. and then i see a minor anatomy mistake and my brain is like “everybody will know. everyone will finally realize how much of a shitty artist you are. the jig is up” and then i panic and give up

i need to put an end to that bc it’s been going on for months and im sick of it lmfao. it’s a lot harder to break than it sounds but im going to try my best. get ready to see some shitty art bc oh BOY i am not going to hold back

here are my older art summaries for comparison (the oldest ones i can find):

rare sighting of a wonkypaws newgrounds post

so it’s been 2 months lmfao

i promise i am alive, just stressed and not as creative as i used to be. im working on it tho! i am doing okay!

i just haven’t been very active on this site either. ive been a lot more active on the toyhouse forums (go check me out btw, im mostly active on the forum side of the site tho). i want to get back into using this site someday, but im not sure when. ill come back when im ready tho <3

anyway merry christmas

anyway, as an apology for 2 months of dead silence. i recently redrew a christmas ornament i made when i was like, 7 or 8. my family still hangs up the old one every year and it’s been annoying me for years, so i finally got around to doing something about it lmfao

the new ornament:

and the old one:

what the fuck happened to its snout. this thing needs to see a vet

i want to get more into trad art tho, it’s fun and i rlly like using fineliners. this was a good start i think

anyway im retreating back to my corner. i will see u in 50 years (or 5 seconds, depends on when i return)

the anniversary of when my stupid little baby brain went “fuck this” and escaped my mom’s womb to live on a space rock. Fun

using this as an opportunity to give some little updates. i took a short break from art for about a week bc i was burnt out (and just more focused on writing), and im glad i did. i wasn’t very active on newgrounds at all for a bit because of that, but i’m slowly getting back in the groove. that’s honestly about it LMAO i haven’t done much

i know ive been kind of inactive for the past few months but i’m Working On It I Swear