it seems to be becoming a trend for me to disappear from this site every once in a while, suddenly come back with a news post explaining what I’ve been doing in my absence, and then disappear again. i promise I’m trying to be better about these things LMFAO

once again i’m just more active on toyhouse (+ very busy with personal projects & working on procrastination habits), but have been attempting to get back into checking this site everyday & stuff

i want to make more casual news posts someday tho. like, mini-rambles and stuff

anyway obligatory here’s-what’s-been-going-on-with-me stuff

summer break is now over ):

i’m in my final year of school now tho! IM NEARLY OUT OF THE FUCKING BUILDING /ref

once i finish up this final year tho, i might see if i can open up art commissions so i can start saving up to move out. might not be a good idea considering my track record of Not Finishing Shit but we’ll see

i’m on a minecraft smp now

so my friends and i started a minecraft server on impulse recently, and we’ve been going apeshit with it. like, we are a group of writers and artists, and when you put a bunch of artists/writers in a room and let them cook, they’re going to come up with a story lmfao. so yeah shit tons of lore has already happened despite the server only being like, a week old

most of the other server members aren’t on newgrounds, and none of us stream/record our pov, BUT viyn does and he’s already uploaded a few episodes of their pov to youtube. my shitty temp base actually makes an appearance in one of the episodes :D if you’re interested in a bunch of teens/young adults roleplaying on minecraft then go watch viyn’s pov

i also have a toyhouse profile for the character i play on the server. ive already uploaded their design to my art thread so u may recognize them

you might hear more about this server kn the future bc i am currently So Normal about it. so beware

hey i also found out i want to be a comic artist

already brought this up in my most recent upload but i realized i had no motivation to create because i had no goal to work towards. i knew i want to tell a story with my art, but i never knew how. so i decided comics would be a good place to start

that’s what I’ve been focusing on nowadays. i’ve been trying to (key word: trying) work on studying the fundamentals i need to make comics, like form, making character interactions believable (i struggle with making drawings focused on character interactions in general /not/ look like a hot steaming pile of shit for some reason?), backgrounds/environments, etc.

my goal is to eventually make a little mini-comic to test the waters and see if this is something i really want to get into. i still dont know what that comic is going to be about, but i guess we’ll cross thag bridge when we get there lmfao

working on my procrastination habits/relationship with art in general

there’s a reason why i barely post anything or stay active on here. it’s because i’m always like “ehhhhhh i’ll do it tomorrow/in a few days/after i finish this/any other excuse on the planet i can think of in the moment”. i hope u realize that pretty much everything ive posted to this site this year is all i’ve drawn/worked on this year LMFAO its not looking good

i have SO many problems causing this that i dont know if ill be able to tackle all of them. lack of motivation, bad mental health, in some cases lack of time, not knowing what to work on,,,,,, hell, even viewing art as “work” rather than fun. the list goes on. it leads to this decision paralysis that eventually ends in me doing nothing. and I hate it

like. this isnt just an issue with art, it happens with all aspects of my life. theres countless people ive unintentionally left on read because of this and it makes me feel so awful LMFAO

like. i miss when i was a kid and could churn out like, 2-3 art pieces in one day just bc i was bored. now whenever i start an art project i havw to think “do i havw the correct skill level for this? if not, what do i study? how do i figure out the composition? how many references should i collect?” shit like that

i have some good news though. i’ve been making progress. i discovered the pomodoro method, which means if i have like, an hour to kill, i can just do a pomodoro and get some stuff done on something. I’ve also started trying to give myself a “reward” for doing things, and so far that’s worked too. neither of them are foolproof tho and i’m still struggling, but they’ve helped and that’s what matters most

i also recently realized after reading a bulletin on toyhouse that in order to have fun with art again, i need to be happy with my current skill level, without stressing too much about the flaws or comparing myself to others. and that kind of opened my eyes a bit

part of what prevents me from finishing shit anymore is the voice at the back of my head that goes “this looks awful, there’s no form to it, the composition’s awful, there’s not enough detail. what would your friends/followers think if they saw this? your skills are downgrading, you’re wasting time by working om this when you could be doing something better” and then i always just. give up and never finish it. and that’s IF i ever start anything at all bc i have such a big lack of ideas (or at least, ones i think i could execute)

anyway ive probably been doing other things i cant think of rn but ive already spent like, an hour writing this and i need to work on other stuff. so thats it for now. Bye