hopping on the 2023 recap train bc im trying to become more active on here again. i missed this place

honestly, i don’t remember much of this year lmao. it just completely flew by (+ i have a dogshit memory). like, since when was tomorrow christmas eve? didn’t the year just start? i feel like i got thrown years into the future. i do NOT feel my age, i still feel 13

despite that, i can still remember that this year was kind of shit for me, especially the later end. ive been hanging on here by a thread guys :,) i have hopes it’ll get better tho

ive dug through my newsposts to try to recall the most important parts of this year for me, if you’re interested

discovering myself & growing

i’ve grown and changed so much as a person since the beginning of this year, and it’s evident looking back on my old posts. ive always heard that your teen years are your biggest development years both physically and mentally, and i think that tracks. i think it was this year that i discovered i was non-binary? i can’t rlly remember tbh. im so much happier now that i have a better grip on who i am and who i want to be

i also think i got a lot better with socializing and dealing with people in general. i used to get so nervous talking to people, i would get physically sick, even if the conversation was going well. i had a practically non-existent social battery. and while these are still issues i’m trying to deal with, they’ve gotten a lot better. i’ve met a lot of people who i love very very much and i couldn’t be more grateful for them. not all of them are on newgrounds, so i’ll thank everyone collectively. thank u everyone, love u all <3333333

1 year anniversary

i had my one year anniversary on this site way back in march!!!! im still so grateful that i joined this site. i definitely wouldn’t be the person and artist i am now if it wasn’t for newgrounds

creative ruts

i struggled a lot creatively this year. like, a lot. i barely got anything done, and that sucks. i miss when i was a kid and i would finish multiple pieces in a day just bc i wanted to have fun, and i wasn’t worrying about anatomy or proportions or what my followers would think

all year i’ve been trying to pinpoint an exact reason as to what caused this. ive landed on these:

• youtube. i keep getting distracted by youtube shorts and scrolling to see if any creators i like uploaded a new video, or trying to find the “perfect” music to draw to, and it’s impeding my ability to draw. i just need to throw a playlist/podcast on and move on
• perfectionism. this is the biggest factor, i think. i keep telling myself my next finished drawing has to be the biggest or best one i’ve done, or i need to draw something specific bc it’s popular, or i want to draw a character i like and my brain goes “your followers won’t like that”, or i draw the face wrong and im like “shit shit everyone will know you’re secretly a terrible artist. the jig is up”. one of my art goals this year is to let go of perfectionism, and just draw for the sake of drawing, like i did when i was a kid. i don’t need to focus on making “good” art, i just need to focus on improving and having fun. this is the biggest thing i want to work on next year
• ideas. i am a chronic overthinker and whenever i want to draw, i keep trying to find the “perfect” idea, even though that doesn’t exist. “your followers won’t like that/won’t know what that is/you’re not good enough yet” stfu we’re having fun over here. i need to just pick a concept to work with and move on

at least i know what’s causing it now; the next step is finding a solution and doing it. art is my escape and it has been for years, i want to keep it that way

i already included this in my last news post, but here’s my art summary for 2023:

getting frontpaged for the first time

in may of this year, my nikku art got frontpaged, and i didn’t even realize it until several days later lmfao. and this was when i had the habit of looking at the art page every morning……………. i may be blind

i was so unbelievably happy tho. it was insane seeing myself next to genuinely skilled artists. i still don’t feel worthy lmfao. i’m so grateful tho

hitting 100 followers

on madness day, i officially hit 100 followers on here! that is still fucking insane, i can’t imagine that many people enjoying my self-indulgent brain mush. seriously, thank you to everyone who’s stuck around this long <3

i can’t think of much else, honestly. i did get into a lot of new things that have consumed my soul ever since (cough cough MURDER DRONES cough cough MCYT cough cough) but other than that, i don’t think much else very important happened to me this year

i hope to be much more active on here next year, and to get much more done (because one finished drawing a month has been Kinda Sad). i also want to make some oc stuff next year; i’ve already got a project in mind 👀 love u all <3