i don’t know if i’m going to post this or not but i’m typing it all out anyway so here we go

this is mostly targeted to my followers/mutuals here because i feel like they deserve an explanation as to why i constantly dip in-and-out of activity Lmfao (and why it’s possible that i won’t be very active here for . a while)

think of this as like. a very different version of my monthly/bimonthly update blogs

getting straight to the point: i’m going to be honest, i have not been in the greatest mental state as of recent. i don’t want to go into too much detail publicly but basically all you need to know is that it majorly affected my ability to create, or do anything for that matter. it caused me to rethink my entire approach to creativity and if i really wanted to make it my job in the future/if i actually enjoy this enough to continue

and i found that the answer was no, not really. at least in the case of visual art, i found that it had become more of a stressor than anything. and that kind of Really hurt to finally realize

i’m sure you guys are familiar at this point with how i constantly dip in and out of activity, making news posts like “trust me bro i’ll be back eventually”, and then never following up, repeating that cycle over and over again. it’s a direct result of the kind of Fucked mindset ive developed regarding art. like, “this has to be perfect for my followers and friends. i can’t let them down. is the subject matter currently relevant? does this look childish? have i spent the correct amount of time on this? did i study enough in-between?” etc etc, and obviously that was very very detrimental to me & my creativity

i don’t even remember how it started, it just kind of Happened around the time i first joined this site, and kept getting worse and worse as time went on. and ive tried my absolute best to correct all of this, i promise i have. but it never works. i make progress and then it’s suddenly lost as i subconsciously turn back to The Fucked-Up Mindset (<- as i will be calling it from now on to avoid confusion)

i’ve decided that i’m really Not in the correct state to deal with all of that right now. as said before, ive tried, just haven’t been able to make any proper progress that’s actually stuck. so i’ve decided that what i need is a break. i don’t know how long that break will last, it could be weeks, months, who knows. all i know is that im coming back to it when i’m ready

please don’t take this as an “i’m quitting art” post. i’m not, you’re not getting rid of me that easily Lmfao. ive been drawing my whole life, i don’t think i’m ever going to fully give it up. it’s just going to be put on the backburner for now while i figure things out. i also kind of /need/ something creative to work on or else i will shrivel up and die Lmfao, so i’m focusing more on writing for the time being

please don’t worry about me btw! i may not be able to receive help for my issues (for reasons i won’t go into publicly), but i’m not alone & i have a support system. i’ve been handling things Relatively fine on my own, i think i might be okay. i’m not making this for pity points, just to give people a proper explanation as to why im fucking Dead on here

there’s a chance that when i come back, my art style will be Drastically different too since i want to try out a shit ton of new stuff. my current style just ,,,,,, isn’t quite cutting it for me

i’m still gonna pop in when i can to say hi to my friends/mutuals on here (because i love you guys and i have not forgotten about you). for the record though, if you want to reach me and get a somewhat-immediate response, i am most active on my toyhouse (because i often forget to check this site for dms)

this is not a goodbye, it’s a see you later (or see-you-in-a-few-days, depends on when i get my groove back) o/

edit: awww the gif broke : ( gonna keep it anyway though. little frozen kitty in the corner